MISCELLANIEOUS LIST #7: Life-changing albums
and related ramblings
Disclaimer: For an album to be life-changing, it does not need to be good. I’ll say it again: for an album to be life-changing, it does not need to be good.
What this installment of MISCELLANIEOUS hinges on, in all honesty, is my “live” commentary on The Caretaker’s six-part album Everywhere at the End of Time. However, since I’m a slut for sticking to the theme, I’ve concocted a list to accompany this write-up.
The criteria for the three albums that made this list were that the albums must inform my current perspective and perception of music and — save for the third album — dominate my music library for a significant span of time. My condolences to the following honorable mentions: Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising, The Fray’s Scars & Stories, The 1975’s The 1975, and Weyes Blood’s Titanic Rising. Each of those aforementioned albums, in my opinion, carries merit both musically and lyrically, whereas the three I’ve selected may or may not. But it’s about lived experience and association here, folks. Jot that down.
Three Albums That Affected My Life
Hilary Duff’s Hilary Duff
(Refer to the disclaimer since you’re already questioning the validity of this list.) Hilary Duff was the first artist I really fell in love with, to the point I had her poster hung up in my closet, which, I guess made it more of a shrine than anything else. Everyone in the family knew I was full-on obsessed, and although I never got to attend one of her concerts, I did meet her when my dad found out she was doing a free (keyword “free”) meet and greet for military families. To my chagrin, on this momentous day I was forced to wear my hair in a bun and don a striped Lands End dress to match my brother. (I still resent that decision, Beth.) Anyway, H. Duff shaped those formative elementary school years. My cultural revolution began at a very young age.
Lana Del Rey’s Born to Die
High school sucked, man. Nothing else to add, your honor, just appreciation for Ms. Davis’ German II assignment that resulted in me first hearing Summertime Sadness because it was climbing the German music charts in 2012. I’ve never been the same since.
The Caretaker’s Everywhere at the End of Time
Alright, buckle up. This is a 6.5-hour album that attempts to portray the gradual cognitive decline of dementia. Genuinely and cautiously curious at this artistic endeavor, a few Fridays ago I embarked on this listening experience, journaling all the while. Here’s my assessment, typed out, just as it was written:
11:34 AM
I just began stage 2 of 6. Oldies are playing, grainy-sounding, but mostly pleasant. I thought the recording’s “fuzz” — the soft crackles and pops throughout the first few tracks — were intentional and obvious; alas, the only consistency is the low-quality (probably too steep of a purposeful decline in audio quality when there’s still over six hours left).
There are true breaks between each track, e.g. “C2 - Misplaced in Time”. It’s slower, I’m just now noticing how it drones on for 4:16. This is technically the 14th track (each letter series contains 4 to 8 tracks).
11:52 AM
“C3 - What Does It Matter How My Heart Breaks?” I’m going to need to consult some critic reviews to effectively convey the start of the wistfulness here.
Oh, wow. That C3 ended quite eerily — it was an abrupt conclusion with an echo. “C4 - Glimpses of Hope in Trying Times” has the repeated sound of, perhaps, the damp rim of a glass being used as an instrument. It is slow. Melancholy has set in at this point, track #16 of 50. I’m nervous for later stages already. Will I be able to get work done during this listening experience?
Okay, things are happening in this C-series of songs. “Surrendering in Despair” features distant, seemingly unrelated sound effects: thumping, chugging (like that of a train) …
“D4 - Denial Unraveling”. Should I put headphones in? This is like a classic Disney film soundtrack but in slow-motion. Slow-er, I should say. I’m sure it’ll drag on later. Again with the somewhat-abrupt endings. I’m 1 hour, 20 minutes in.
1h 23m and we’re up and running again (in stage 3 according to what YouTube says).
So, stage 3. Not seeing a title, but you could waltz to this, I’m assuming it’s “E1 - Back There Benjamin". It’s whiny, grand, the BPM is up a bit. And then it cuts. “E2 - The Heart Breaks”. So we were having a good day, and then we weren’t. This track is faded, a little distant-sounding, grainy. Very grainy.
Headphones in at “E4 - Libet’s All Joyful Camaraderie”, which felt dream-like, echo-y, but I also thought it played earlier. I’ve heard it before …
“E6 - Sublime Beyond Loss” – 1h39m. The song is confused. It skips, cuts out, is upbeat, and tries to be redeeming, but it is not. It is not right, and it’s followed by a dizzy, trance-like, wind-up toy box tune.
“F2 - Drifting Time Misplaced”. The piano tune is far away, crackles fill the foreground in what sounds like a hollow, cavernous space. At the end of the track, all that remains are crackles.
F3. Warbled. Indistinguishable. Grainy. Is that the sound of the ocean?
“F4 - Aching Cavern Without Lucidity"“. I shiver.
“F7 - Libet Delay” (2h4m) Back to the dream-like trance, but with more inconsistencies.
“G1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions”. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this — this is #39 of 50, the remaining tracks are all over 20 minutes each. Static, crackling, there is no song. The only music sounds are in my right headphone only. It is nonsensical. It hurts to imagine deciphering one’s thoughts like this. There’s no way. Everything is happening, nothing flows, nothing connects. I keep checking to see if it’s the next track. It is not. Twenty-two minutes is very long. Suspended in time.
OK, we’ve graduated to “H1 - Stage IV Post Awareness Confusions”. The sound bounces from ear to ear. Of course, it crackles. Obviously, it skips. Next up is “I1 Stage IV Temporary Bliss”. Lucidity?
I can feel how sad my face must look. My face droops as I try to get some work done this afternoon. It’s 1:38 PM. I think this ends at 5.
It’s like a montage of someone laying in a recliner in a dark room only illuminated by a big, square box TV and the person is just flipping, flipping, flipping the channel. They do not stop. You cannot have a say. You are a fly on the wall. Most channels are static. Why is the volume so loud? Nothing is what the person wishes to watch. Is there really even anyone in that recliner?
2h47m mark and things have become sinister. The music is fighting to come back, but …
There is a genre of music that is entirely disjointed like this. I do not recall the name, but now it feels like a cruel genre to exist.
3h9m. I noticed the soundless. Static, dream-like, yes. I understand. Ethereal.
2:37 PM. 3h36m. Stage V begins. More static, more conflicting soundings — are those voice clips, too? Again, indistinguishable. Like that one meme. Noise.
3h55m. It’s pretty consistent in its inconsistency, but a trill voice made a feature that broke my concentration.
“M1 - Stage V Synapse Retrogenesis” is less broken, the sound of floating. Hypnotic, maybe. Nevertheless meaningless compared to the happy camper vibes from 4h30m ago. Cataclysmically null. A void … a void that is increasing in intensity as I write this.
4:07 PM 5h5m Stage VI.
Vaguely reminiscent of the hollow echoes of a building’s bowels, or the racing, moving, GOING sound of a tunnel or overpass (while you’re underneath it).
“P1 - Stage 6 A Brutal Bliss Beyond This Empty Defeat”. The song — very subtly — came back. Broken, but unmistakable. Not for long. Brutal bliss indeed. My heart is indescribably heavy, though it’s been that way since G1 Stage IV.
“Q1 Stage VI Long Decline is Over”
My Airpods would have to agree.
Metallic rumblings, space-like. Staggering to hear this and think back to the grainy oldies track.
“R1 Stage VI”
So, so close to the end. It’s 5:36 PM. I am not going to spoil the conclusion for you.
If you’re interested in a description of the final two minutes, or want the Spotify link to the old-time-y song most heavily sampled on the album, let me know.
Pensively,
lanie